Aug
27
Beloved in Christ:
This second “Moving On” page was posted to make more room. The first Moving On page is maxed out at 650+ comments, making it virtually impossible to load. “Moving On 1″ is closed to comments, but accessible to read here.
Ok-you’ve left PDI/SGM. If you now find yourself better off post-SGM, you can tell us your story here.
You can always find this thread in the tabs across the top of the page.
This is part of the refuge zone. Criticize a poster, and we’ll delete your comment.
If you have an issue or concern with sgmrefuge.com, please feel free to yell at us here.
–PK & PD
Just wanted to say thanks to PK, Waters, Bruised and my old “pals” Ellie and Canary for your kind comments and encouraging words. There is so much wisdom to be found in these pages and I thank you all for taking the time to write and do your part to “set the captives free”! God bless you and may you all continue on the good work He has begun in you!!! I promise to stop by from time to time
Pia: What a wonderful compliment. To God be the glory!
–pk
Please come again, Pia. It was so nice to hear from you. Those who are now leaving SGM can learn from you that life goes on fully and in the love of Christ. The painful time doesn’t last forever. Big hugs!
Jim
I would also like to add my belated thanks for all your work on this blog. I know it was quite a handful and appreciate all your work. I enjoyed the calls we had and the insights you shared with me.
I am glad that some type of reconciliation occurred between you and the SGM Pastor that you discuss in “unfinished business.” It is good to see that.
Most of our family left Metro Life several weeks ago. We have been visiting other churches and will continue to do so until we find one that fits.
Yesterday, my husband and I met with Danny and had a very sweet time with him. He expressed his heartfelt desire for us to find another church where we can grow and be spiritually healthy, and reminded us that we are always welcome to come to Metro anytime for anything, or call if we need help. We are part of the spiritual family as believers in Christ, so it doesn’t matter to him what church we call home. He again listened to our concerns about the church without criticism and acknowledged the need for change. He also spent some time caring for us personally as a pastor with other transitions we are experiencing.
I was touched by his concern for us, I’m grateful for his role in our lives for the past 8 years, and still can’t imagine trying to step into his pastor shoes for any length of time. Danny did ask that we remember to pray for Metro Life during this tough time. He also asked that if we know of anyone who does not feel that their issues have been peacefully resolved to please let him know so they can try again.
As a side note, one of my daughters started public high school this morning after 10 years of being home schooled. So say a prayer for her! The staff of The Regent Academy, Metro’s home school ministry, has been extremely helpful and supportive, and it is due to their well-presented transcript that the new school was so willing to accept all of her credits and place her in advanced classes.
~~ Vida
Vida:
We will be praying for you and your family during this season. I’m glad there was a peaceful exit at church; I know God has something good for you and the fam.
–pk
Vida,
Thanks for sharing this good report! I rejoice when there is care, concern and grace extended from the pastor(s) to an exiting member.
P.D.
Vida, it is so good to hear how Danny treated you and your husband. Thanks for letting us know. It gives me hope. God bless as you move on to a new fellowship.
Vida, so happy for you! And I will def be praying for your daughter. As one homeschooled to public school mom to another, I hear ya.
Dear Vida-
I will be praying for your daughter. I hope her first day went very well. Let us know.
I’ve read some of your posts and I’m rejoicing to hear that your meeting went well. I hope you are finding more and more peace with each passing day and your search for a new church will bear fruit.
God has wonderful things in store for you and your family.
God bless
So far so good, mostly, on our daughter who just started public school. I think there is one class we are pulling her from — an acting class that is less structured and where the students chat about a lot of extra-curricular activities (ahem) outside of our moral genre. We went to the open house last night, got to meet her teachers, and were very pleased with their professional attitudes.
Vida
Hello, Pia, and everyone else.
I just thought I would chime in.
Fly, FlyMate, and maggots left SGM church in October 2008. Of our three maggots, Maggot1 had left maggothood and flown away from SGM church years ago, leaving the state, and flying away from everything having to do with religion. For the first year, the rest of the Fly family rested in a “comfortable” church, but after that year evaluated that we hadn’t found our church home.
At that time, Maggot2, having become a Fly as well, chose to go to a different church than the rest of Fly family. Maggot2′s thinking was that a different SGM church, not being SGM Church1, was a different church. Sadly, that hasn’t gone too well, and it looks like
Maggot2 is again seeking God’s planned church home for the individual maggot’s fit.
Fly, FlyMate, and family, choosing 2nd church since leaving SGM church, now seem to have found where God wants us to be. There is a nice men’s ministry, a nice women’s ministry, Maggots thrive at the church’s AWANA’s program, and on and on. And we are surrounded by a people and a pastor who seem to understand that we are all sinners, seeking to grow in righteousness, but failing and needing forgiveness every day.
Having a conversation with Maggot2 recently, I was reminded of issues in SGMChurch1 that I don’t miss:
-People hearing your situation and arrogantly assuming, after a 2 minute conversation, that they understand everything about you and know exactly what you should do in your situation;
-people around you who are so able to see and quick to tell you what sins you are exhibiting in your life;
-constant focus on how “your sin” is contributing to the situation, rather than how everyone involved shares part of the blame and humbly moving on from there…
I have so much more I could say on that, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, I am still “in recovery”. I am not always aware of this, but then someone’s words (here or elsewhere) prod some area of my brain that is not fully recovered, and the fetid putrid area flares up again for a bit, and I start working on it again.
Oh, and being outside of SGM I am happy to now better understand that complete forgiveness is a process, not something you can just do because you decide to. Often it takes a great deal of time to be able to fully forgive the past… the SGM past, as well as any other horrid issues that our SGM-time tried to make us bury or deny.
I am not an SGM’er any more. And I’m not a perfect non-SGM’er, either. But I am in oh, so better of a place!
~Fly
Fly & the Family Flown:
Thanks for stopping by and giving us a progress report. God is so gracious to gently lead us to the place He has for each of us. Thanks for your honest evaluation of your progress, filled with hope. As the Knight and I are learning, navigating the post-SGM waters is a process: sometimes you wade, sometimes you float, sometimes you dog-paddle and sometimes the Lord gives you faith to “walk” on those waters. Thank you again for your comment!
P.D.
Fly, so happy to hear from you!
stunned
Thanks PD and Stunned.
The latest development: M2 (Maggot2) received a text from a DF (dear friend) from SGM church2 (SGM2). Basic content of the message was that since M2 was still struggling with bitterness toward previous SGM church (SGM1), then there was an underlying, unrepentant sin issue. DF would no longer be having any contact with M2 because it was not in DF’s best interest due to M2′s “unrepentant sin”.
Nevermind that DF is regularly getting drunk and is in a sexually active relationship with someone. ::sigh:: M2 was a mess last night. Almost 2 years since the original break, and I’m still working triage. So many other issues discussed last night as well, but for M2′s privacy I won’t go into them. Suffice it to say M2 is still trying to get own fly-wings.
Prayers for M2 welcome.
Blessings,
Fly
Fly:
PD and I will be launching prayers for M2 today. Strength, encouragement, and blessings to you and your family, Fly.
–pk
This is one area where I do struggle with the temptation to be bitter. Some of these kids/teens are such exemplary representatives of the hypocrisy that they’ve learned from their SGM churches. They are to be commended – they’ve learned well.
Oh Fly, this is so sad. I will be praying for your little maggot and for her friend, as well. Those poor girls. Lord, please, let your loving truth come out for each of these girls. And please, God, let us each see as YOU want us to see.
S
Fly, I’m so sorry you are still in Triage. But I’m thanking God in Heaven that M2 has you to help her decompress! For real! And that note clearly exhibits how awful and systemic the hypocrisy is, doesn’t it? And blessings to M2 who needs to run to Jesus for that is where her righteousness is, as is all of ours. Only in Jesus.
Not in a cross or any other mode of execution. But in our precious Savior whose blood still speaks on our behalf.
(sometimes I imagine wearing a charm of an electric chair on a necklace. But that’s just me. lol)
Thankful to our Father forever that I am moving right along….
I left SGM/PDI 20 years ago- perhaps I was casted out in their terms, but I couldn’t have run out of there any faster. I left behind a groom, a wedding dress and a lot of relationships, BUT our Father was with me. I couldn’t explain the feeling of the life being choked out of me to anyone.. they were all being choked, too, but couldn’t see it. My family, friends: all choked. To them, I appeared selfish and, of course, sinful & rebellious… I was 20 years old and saw the life they wanted for me and it didn’t mesh with what I knew was right, way down deep inside. I was manipulated to remain in the church and was counseled (one on one) by a heavy handed pastor to return. I refused. As hard as it was to leave, the breath of Heaven filled me with each step and, slowly, I was breathing again. I didn’t leave the city and was often in situations with those I left behind, including family members, but the life sustaining healthy breaths continued to fill my being and slowly I realized that the words to the childhood song I learned were true: “In Him I live and move and have my being!” I made some mistakes (and still do), I studied the Bible, I went to Bible studies with other girls, I got a job and lived life in the real world (and didn’t lose my salvation), I married a real man after God’s own heart and together we have crossed the roads of life and grown in ways I never imagined God had for me. I’m in awe of his real mercy, His astounding love and honestly by His Great Name.
My baby sister, on the other hand, did EVERYTHING the SGM/PDI way and let me tell you this: the JOY OF THE LORD IS HER STRENGTH as she has had to bear unthinkable things for many many years thru this church who has most recently turned its back on her, her children and sadly, even the Truth. Her husband was a sham. He left her. Left the church they set out to plant together years back & the leadership. She didn’t understand the life altering impact his choices would have on her freedom- but she has emerged victorious in Christ (as the author & finisher of her faith) and continues on the healing path of righteousness! She is learning, understanding & accepting the love of our Father for the first time. It’s amazing to watch her walk in the Truth. She, too, is moving right along. Praise be to our God!
Shame, regret, condemnation, emptiness, loneliness, a weird & messed up vocabulary that no one outside of SGM understands, and most importantly: a wrong perception of our Father God is what you encounter once leaving this church. Undoing and laying a new solid foundation takes a lot of time, perserverance, counsel and Holy Scripture. But it’s so worth it. Choose Life isn’t just about abortion protesting, it’s about our every day life. He has called us to have life and live it abundantly- this means we must think for ourselves (something I personally think SGM doesn’t approve of) and always be measuring what we see & hear & say with the Bible. Man will always let us down. But God’s Word is the Way the Truth and The Life and let us not forget that no man comes to the Father but by Him (not a church, not a ministry, not a worship experience, not a home group, not serving, not any of the legalistic things they try to bind & ensnare you with at SGM)- we have to know Jesus for ourselves. And that my friends, is why I chose to move on so many years ago. I just want to know Him.
Sunshine — what a beautiful post. Thank you.
sunshine,
What a courageous woman you are to share your story and victorious journey with us–thankyou!
It sounds like you have a real-life story of deliverance! Isn’t it amazing how the Lord uses circumstances in our lives, that, at the time, are deeply painful…and surreal …and yet—HE is in it, He is guiding, He is delivering us into His purposes… I am so thrilled to hear your report of abundant life in Christ, and the desire “just to know Him” !
The blindness you speak of is so true. We also experienced this in our time at SGM and didnot see how our continuation in the church hurt and spiritually alienated our grown children. (Who have since left and are on their journey with Jesus, praise God)
Sunshine, I hear your heart in your post — indeed, with Jesus you have built a solid and sure foundation—and I sing along with you… “In Him, I live and move and have my being”
I pray many young women will be encouraged by your words — that the SGM legalism which pollutes Gods people, will be washed away by the River that flows from the very throne of God (PS)… and that His people will awaken..
May you know the Lords Presence singing over you tonight —you are beautiful to Him!
–Waters
Sunshine, that was beautiful indeed. God is with us, even when other people can’t see it. Often, especially when other people can’t see it. I am glad you knew that He was with you those many years ago.
Thank you, Sunshine for your words of hope and encouragement! I am so sorry for the pain you, your sister and family have all endured at the hands of SGM. It is obvious that the Lord has been faithful in your life and that He has filled you with much of Himself!
Just thinking after reading sunshine’s post again…..how could anyone think that SGM is NOT a cult!!
Fred -
It has been my (our) experience that SGMers are more concerned about correcting and calling people down for saying they are a cult rather than changing the wicked ways in which they apply scripture, authority and polity that make them look like a cult. Kill the messenger – discredit the message!
Sunshine — Praise God you have seen the light and entering life after SGM! Thanks for sharing!
sunshine,
You said it…………..CHOOSE LIFE
Quizzler seems to remember a verse that affirms this. Could it be John 10:10?
N.S.L.B.
Wonderful post, Sunshine! Your words give people hope and courage!
Sunshine- What enormously encouraging words for those who are here, newbies and old timers (no offense meant)
The Lord will lead those who need to read your triumphant words. God Bless you!
use to be, I have to ask- do you feel you’ve found hope?
Dearest Stunned- You know the old song “looking for Love in all the wrong places”? Well, that was me…I’m ashamed to say that I thought I found all that I had been searching for in a SG church. It came close to taking me from this world. The GOD of all comfort found me, wrapped his arms around me and never, ever has let me go. Hope is in him alone! It has taken a year and half to feel, well normal in a church setting. But by his grace I’m getting there.
I don’t know that I will let people in quite as easily as I once did; I cherish peace…that I have been given through the Holy Spirit with purpose and a stillness that I have never known before…not sure if that makes any sense…to answer your question…Yes, I have Hope in a Saviour who loves me and in whom I’ve found all things. Not a local church but a dear sweet fellowship with my Lord. For now, that is what I focus on. I know we are meant to be in relationship with others; that will come in time…that’s why this site is so important; it serves the wounded and in turn those who are wounded can come alongside of others.
John 15 helped me tremendously in remembering that Jesus was the vine and I am a branch and that apart from him I could do nothing…especially heal, heal from relationships that were not healthy for me spiritually and emotionally. As well as read the Word and not feel condemnation, but rather mercy, and kindness of my Lord. Blessed hope in my Lord is what gets me up in the mornings and keeps me going.
Thanks for asking Stunned…God bless.
Hope, you are right. Those relationships will come in time. God is working in your life right now. Don’t let anyone else rush you. God will bring you where He wants you, when He wants you. Let it be in His time. Trust Him. He loves you. Every single part of you.
I rejoice that you know Him more intimately than you ever have. He is the pearl worth any price.
Thank you Stunned; you are always so encouraging to those who post here. It is my prayer that God will bless you mightily!
I am So Heartbroken by all the Hurt, and Mistrust that has been Caused By ALL these People who Claim to LOVE GOD & LOVE PEOPLE. My Child and I attended one of the SGM Churches as well…and when we Left…they said we were Bitter, Needed to Confess Sin, and That we Were Unrepentant. Nothing could have been further from the Truth. We still have Friends who attend Several SGM Churches…and We Dearly Love them. But I knew there was More for me than Being a Religious ROBOT as I Like to Put it. Everyone Talks the same…and it is Like Nobody has a Voice of their own.
It is sad that Women are treated in such a “LESS THAN” Way. I grew Up in a religion like that…and I do NOT want my child to grow up Believing that way.
My Heart goes out to any and ALL that have been Abused in ANY FORM OR FASHION..I Believe in you…and You CAN MAKE IT…I Know you CAN RISE ABOVE THIS!!!
Blessings to you All…
LivNLetLiv
Hope, be careful with a woman who is horribly hormonal- your post just brought tears to my eyes. Oh, there they go again…
Dear Stunned- Awww…I know what you mean girlfriend; right there with ya!
To LivnLetLiv- Liked your post- No, you weren’t Bitter in your leaving probably just not easily manipulated! SGM prefers those that are quiet, obedient and never question authority…just saying.
I am questioning the reason a SG Pastor and his wife spank their 2 year old more than several times a day. This is very young, I feel and borders on abuse. They also spank older girls 5-6 and remove their panties first. This seems really weird to me. If their ever was any reason to leave this church, I think the abuse of the children would be adequate reason.
Follower…you are right to question it. It doesn’t just border on abuse, it is abuse. You are talking about grown adults who are spanking their children by stripping them nude first! That is crazy….it’s not just a swat for misbehaving, they are taking their children’s clothes off and then spanking them nude. That is parental terrorism…..run Forrest, run!
Follower: I agree Completely. Child Abuse In ANY FORM is DEFINITELY More than an Adequate reason for Leaving SGM/PDi or ANY Church that does that.
I have NEVER had to use Physical Force on my Child EVER…and My child is 17 yrs. old. I always used Time Out, and Took Favorite Toys or Privileges away instead. It worked Wonderful For My Child. But then I was ALWAYS Reinforcing POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS in my Child as well. I would “CATCH THEM” Being Good..and Reward them for Positive Behaviors.
I am Constantly Amazed at how Many People are still involved in these Churches and Can Not see what is being done to them and their Children. As I sit here and read All of your Posts..It breaks my heart…and I have to Thank God Above that we got out when we did. Like I said in my last Post, We still have friends who are Part of SGM Churches…and I DEARLY LOVE THEM. But their are MANY times when I have to set VERY STRICT CLEAR BOUNDARIES with them and I constantly have to tell them when they try to Coerce me…Correct me and my Child…Etc. “That is Fine for you…And that is your Beliefs…But Please do NOT Push your Beliefs On Me and My Child.” I have literally had to Learn how to Love Some of them “FROM A DISTANCE.”
Wishing you ALL a Wonderful Day…and May Jesus Heal Your Hearts from all the Hurts that you have Experienced.
Think about it, they had to kick my family and me out so theirs could be the only voice of experience with respect to parenting choices.
Yes, when they planned on introducing parenting classes, they told me I wasn’t allowed to talk and when I continued to talk I was shown the door.
Their parenting is evil, abusive, and cannot exist without the pastors going to the extreme of silencing its critics.
Follower,
Your SGM pastor and wife spank their 2 year old many times a day because this is how they are instructed to do. This has been going on for 20 years that I am aware of.
The SGM mantra is for children to obey the first time, no arguing, and respond with quieted acceptance (sometimes termed a “happy heart”). It is horribly sad. The fruit of this, is children who learn early to squash emotions, natural responses and their ‘voice.’
Please do not subject yourself, your children, and your childrens spiritual and emotional health to this. Listen to that “check” Holy Spirit is giving you!
Hi everyone,
I posted this over at Survivors as well… after being out of SGM for 5 years, my wife and I recently made the decision to join the Catholic church. I have been talking with another person who made the same decision a few years ago, and we wondered aloud if there were any others out there like us. Would any of you happen to know of anyone else who left SGM and eventually became Catholic? If so, I’d love to be in touch. We are simply hoping to maybe start a google group or something, to share common experiences and fellowship. My email address is thebackoftheworld@gmail.com
In Christ,
Ryan