A disclaimer: I am not trying to one-up Jim, but his example is compelling and inspiring.
This has been long overdue.
Anytime one confesses sin, particularly online, there is always the concern you may be misunderstood as preaching to those you are confessing to. Nobody can hear the tone of your voice; you have to try to convey it in written word. You have to convince those you confess to that “nobody made me do it.”
When you unmask from an anonymous status, there is the risk of those being deeply offended while other relationships are being healed. You have to guard against recruiting other “followers” and creating factions within the body of Christ. I have to think about actions I did anonymously that I would have never done without the mask. I have to know my identity in Christ without creating a secret identity.
Whatever risks or concerns there are, they ultimately have to be met with truth and light. You have to come clean. There are some facts that are abundantly clear from my words here and on SGM Survivors, regarding statements I have made about those within and without Sovereign Grace Ministries:
(1) I have mocked the manner of speech people use to communicate.
(2) I have made fun of their physical appearance.
(3) I have judged their character and motivations on a level and in a fashion that only God can.
(4) I have been guilty of being both a Pharisee and a hypocrite in how I have leveled judgment at people.
(5) I have excused the above sins by blaming them on everything but having my own desires satisfied.
Regarding whatever issues or concerns I have with Sovereign Grace Ministries and those individuals and leaders in SGM, they cannot be heard through the forest of the above sins. Regarding whatever issues or concerns I have with those individuals who are not in SGM or have left: these issues cannot be heard or legitimized through the throng of the above sins.
I ask that you have patience while I remove the tree from my eye before trying to pull the splinter out of yours.
More than anything I ask everyone for your forgiveness, particularly those I have offended. Email me if you need to at pk@sgmrefuge.com. I beg some of you to not be tempted to minimize my actions because of friendship, affection, or offenses against those I have sinned against. Pray that I can walk out repentance on this blog and in my church by simply living in the light of the Gospel.
In Christ because of Christ,
~John (Protestant Knight)
John,
You are my hero!
. . . but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:7)
and
Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD. (Psalm 89:15)
and
He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. (Proverbs 3:34)
Love you dear,
Your Wifey
Dear PK,
It is so easy, in our own pain and zealousness to act/speak out of emotion. We at times tend to not have that “godly” balance we need in dealing with issues close to our hearts. Many times, when operating that way, we can cause more damage, that promote the good that is on our hearts. I HAVE BEEN THERE! Many years ago, I handled things incorrectly. My motivies were good, but my method was completely unscriptual. As I said, it is easy to be swayed that way when our hearts so desperatly want to see HIS will being done, and not man’s.
THE HARD PART is standing up stong in the grace and forgiveness of our Savior and HIS FATHER and making things right as you and Jim have done this week. Though, looking back, as you two have, you see those things not pleasing to HIM in behavior, HE has done as HE promised, “taken what Satan meant for evil, and used it to HIS glory.” You two, through your honesty, transparency, and humility, have reminded us all on this sight, that it is our hearts HE sees that please HIM, not always actions. You and Jim have shown us and reminded us, to keep HIM ever present before our hearts and lips when we are in conflict with others.
Most importantly, you two have brought us into the throne room of GOD, demonstrating to us, how HE desires we deal with one another. Thanks to you both for allowing HIM to us you two in our lives. It isn’t always easy to be an instrument in the hands of a mighty GOD.
Oh yes…..you are most certainly forgiven.
MiMi
PK,
I have not been on refuge for some time but have been made aware of certain changes and posts. I appreciate your humility and desire to “unmask” yourself. I pray God allows the log to be continually revealed, but also that it won’t keep you back from declaring truth. A SG pastor told me a few weeks ago…”There is a time to get the log out of your own eye, and there is a time to stand and shout with you arms flailing, begging for help or for people to hear.”…just becaue there may be a log (and ususally is) doesnt mean our concerns our invalid. Just want to encourage you and communciate I appreciate your humility and desire to set a Godly, self controled environment. This blog has been a means of grace to me and my family. Thank you for continuing in this overwhelming undertaking!
With much appreciation and hope,
Mark of the Lion (Jim knows me:-)
Mark of the Lion said: …”There is a time to get the log out of your own eye, and there is a time to stand and shout with you arms flailing, begging for help or for people to hear.”…just becaue there may be a log (and ususally is) doesnt mean our concerns our invalid.
Amen and Amen!!
Mark of the Lion and Fred:
I appreciate your kind words and sentiment… for me, today is not the day for shouting, flailing arms etc. Today is about asking your forgiveness.
MotL, thank you especially for the kind, undeserved words.
~John (pk)
John, clean conscience brother, CLEAN. Don’t beat yourself up or someone else will get the same idea
I know why you are doing what you are doing. And I know what SGM will think when they see it. But…I also know God is at work. He wants His people set free.
SGM- Jim and PK have conceded to nothing except being human..which is more than you guys have ever truly done.
I hope those reading will see the biggest difference between the men here (and posters) and the men in SGM leadership and even some posting online, like “Roy”: integrity.
We’ve had our family spats online, we’ve disagreed, we’ve made snarky comments, we’ve made mistakes..but at the end of the day..we’re still family. We still love and support one another. We ask forgiveness and we extend forgiveness as necessary, on GOD’S TERMS as WE are individually led by the Spirit. True conviction, true repentance. And no one is walking away wounded from HERE.
And through it all – lots of grace has been given out to one another. We’ve given grace upon grace..and honestly, it is way past time that SGM make a public statement (public being ON THE BLOGS you cannot comment on – like CJ’s) or for them to personally pick up the phone and call or email Jim or John or Guy or Kris directly – not through someone else, directly.
John, welcome to the “other side” of SGM. I am praying for your family as you take this step of faith. I’m always encouraged (but never surprised) at the love I see on the blogs.
But…I hope SGM will respond in a way that is in keeping with repentance for all they have allowed and proliferated. Repentance first, then reform. ANd SGM knows EXACTLY what they need (or are being asked) to repent for, whether they agree or not is to be seen.
Let’s not forget:
SGM has been reading more than one blog dedicated to letting those hurt under their pastoral care share stories. They have been reading for almost 18 months now.
Not once have they said a word publicly.
Not once have they contacted Guy, Kris, John, or Jim.
Not once has CJ Mahaney, the figure head and man responsible for these churches, said ANYTHING.
Not once has SGM apologized, acknowledged sin or any wrong doing.
Not once has anyone in the larger reformed or Christian community come forward to say “THIS MUST STOP!”
Instead:
SGM has remained silent.
CJ has said nothing.
Apostolic directives are given to deter people from blogs.
Pastors begin preaching publicly against the blogs, slander, dissention and pass out copies of that Powlinson paper.
Pastors and care group leaders send out emails about the integrity of blogs and passing on reports.
In local churches, shunning, slander, control and manipulation continue, and in some cases, INCREASE despite the increasing knowledge of the “bigger problems” in SGM.
SGM men LIE and assume a fake identity on the Survivors blog, pretending to be a “victim” of SGM and mock the pain and suffering of hundreds publicly.
this is jacked up. SGM has not only taken no steps towards repentance, they have been posturing themselves this entire time and think we don’t know it. They are defending their actions and teachings, nothing has changed, it has only gotten worse.
John, I just read your post that was before mine waiting in moderation – guess I did a bit of my own “shouting, flailing arms” hehe
but I am who I am and have the convictions I have..and I’m glad that I am free to speak my mind. I think people know your intentions here..no worries. And my comment is my own, not yours. My thoughts, not the blogs’. I understand that and hope others do as well.
We are individuals on here with passion, ideas, and giftings.. not some conglomerate of hurting people, which is the beauty of it all!
Protestant Dame:
Thank you, love, for your gracious words. Those scriptures are a wonderful thing to cling to today. How God speaks to me through you!
I love you,
John
“SGM has not only taken no steps towards repentance, they have been posturing themselves this entire time and think we don’t know it. They are defending their actions and teachings, nothing has changed, it has only gotten worse.”
PK, perhaps this is because
a- They do not feel that they have done anything wrong.
b- They do not believe that they are accountable to us.
c- That they believe they are righteous ones, being slandered and maligned.
d- That they may believe that we are the biggest sinners.
e- They may believe that we are no longer Christians.
f- That protecting the reputation of the church is more important than truth.
g- That people should vote with their feet, not with their tounges.
h- All of the above and more..
Sorry Quizzler, had some questions of my own.
PFR,
You’re quoting Juli, so I’m not sure if you’re addressing John (PK) to get his response.
My response would be-
a-I don’t know.
b-absolutely.
c-the actions of some of the leaders would reflect this.
d-the general opinion seems to be that our very existence is sinful.
e-who knows? I haven’t heard this charge.
f-the actions of some pastors would reflect this.
g-correct, in my experience.
h-I don’t know.
Juli,
Do not apologize for your passion for God’s people!
Jim,
Thanks for you answers to PFR. Very clear and helpful.
Hey Jim,
Thanks for the answers. The questions are an amalgam of my personal experience, and what I have viewed from my “cheap seats”. The direction to PK was from my curiosity of his perspective. I liked the quote, as it sums up both my historical, and more recent experiences. All are welcome to answer, and thank you for your perspective. Trying to make some decisions per our conversation.