I am flting out the door, but wanted to leave a quick note…

So glad to see you here again! Thank you for the update, and I’ll be praying for God’s continual blessings to surround you in both valleys and mountain tops.

–pk

I first joined CLC in Maryland, because of my husband who is the brother of Sue Ahn (Che Ahn’s wife for those of you who know him) and quickly became one of C.J.’s biggest fans in 1986.  We became leaders-in-training almost right away and I also started working at the PDI office in Gaithersburg in  1988.  It’s funny…I’m back here today because someone who used to work with me at PDI contacted me through facebook last week.  All of a sudden, I’m contacting all of my former bosses, co-workers, etc. and they’re contacting me!  I was truly happy to hear from some of these old friends who were truly wonderful to me.  Much of my time at the office, you must understand, was actually one of my best times I had as a young Christian.  I never felt I was being spiritually abused and when I would hear of people leaving the PDI churches, I was truly mystified.  It wasn’t until I moved to California and became part of my brother-in-law’s church (Che’s church called Abundant Life Covenant Church) that the scales started coming off my eyes. 

Someone here (I believe his name is Michael) said he knew Larry, CJ and Che from the really early TAG (Take and Give) days.  He also went to ALCC and knew all that happened when they launched their first international church plant in the Philippines (which is where I am originally from by the way).   He was spot on when he said that PDI knew nothing of my country’s culutral and spiritual sensitivies and unique heritage and background.  Had they done their job of researching and preparing for this delicate missions outreach better, they would have saved thousands of dollars and all the couples that were sent there (including Bill and Margaret who are Larry’s brother-in-law and sister) wouldn’t have experienced so much pain and personal devastation for being branded “failures” by the “PDI family.”  (I remember people talking about how it was so sad that only 10 Filipinos remained members of this church in the end–even back then, it was all about the numbers.) 

I am totally convinced that all the people who were involved in this church plant truly wanted to bring the Gospel to this ”impoverished Third World country.”  I remember being at one of the huge Celebration conferences and Larry asked me to step up and talk to the thousands gathered there from all the PDI churches–just to ask for their support–and an offering ensued wherein we were able to bring in a lot of money.  Thousands of dollars continued to pour in and because I worked at the office, I saw all this money being thrown at this ill-fated international venture that was to become one of the most embarassing endeavors PDI ever took part of.  I’m not surprised that little is said about it now because when they finally closed down the whole church plant a few years later, it was almost taboo to talk about it.  To this day, my heart goes out to Bill and Margaret who are such kind and wonderful people–boy were they ”stoned” for their inability to deliver and perform up to “PDI standards”!

Just yesterday, someone else contacted me from my PDI past through facebook and today, we talked on the phone.  For her sake, she must remain anonymous but suffice it to say…she was way up there in visibility.  She, like many here in this blog, grew up in a PDI home as a leader’s daughter and I actually baby-sat her and her siblings when she was little.  She said I was one of her favorite baby-sitters bec. unlike the others, I didn’t get her in trouble when she disobeyed (which I truly don’t recall her or the other kids ever doing).  When others would report her “bad behavior” to her parents, she would be severaly punished–to the point of physical abuse.  (This practice, by the way, was not uncommon among PDI families.  For those of you who know my story, when my husband and I eventually did have kids, he would use the “rod” on my child’s “bod” to the point where it would constantly break.  The last straw came when he was going to punish my daughter with a belt-beating just because she could not go to sleep…she had jet lag since we just got home from vacationing in the Philippines.  She was only about 4 years old at the time.  I finally stood up to my abusive husband for the first time and would never again let him lay a hand on her–despite what PDI insisted upon.  In the end, I eventually left him and left PDI and I haven’t looked back since.  My kids thank me all the time for doing this even though I was completely alone and shunned by my old PDI friends as I went through my painful divorce.)   

Anyway, going back to this girl I used to baby-sit who is now a young woman, she was completely traumatized by all the abuses of PDI (understandably) and it wasn’t until just a few years ago that she started the process of healing.  I’m happy to report that she is now a happy, successful woman and she now has a more authentic, loving relationship with the Lord than ever before.  I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to hear that.

I too have a happy ending.  Michael said he was 55.  I am almost 45.  We are the “old timers” of PDI/SGM, you could say.  He said in his post here that he was surprised by how much healing he still had to go through after decades of leaving the unhealthy system–and I concur.  However, the important point to be made is that the healing did  come for both of us, praise be to God!  I see in his post a wiser, more mature, more balanced and stable Christian leader, still being used by God in ministry–and no longer the naive, wide-eyed young believer who used to attend TAG meetings in the 70′s.  Passionate for God, yes, but too ignorant to know that his leaders were leading him down the wrong path that would later on bring many years of heartache and pain for him and his family.

I too am still serving the Lord–some of you may know I now lead a homeless ministry here in Los Angeles where we serve the poor not just physical food every Sunday morning but more importantly, spiritual food.  I have had the wonderful opportunity of leading quite a few drug addicts, alcoholics and prostitutes to the Lord and it’s certainly not by doing it the PDI way.  No…I still use the “old-fashioned” and basic approach of telling people how much Jesus loves them no matter how much they’ve sinned and how wonderfully He has created them and wants to give them a bright hope and a future…to prosper them and not to harm them.

During this God-ordained talk I had today with this amazing, intelligent woman (who was told, when she was still immersed in PDI, that she was ”too stupid” to make anything of her life because she had some learning disabilities), something she said struck a chord with me.  ”Isn’t it ironic that this organization started out with the name People of Destiny?”  Indeed, how ironic and how truly tragic.  PDI, now called Sovreign Grace, not only steals people of their destinies and God-given and unique talents and giftings (unless you learn to play by their rules and then maybe you’ve got a shot at becoming one of the “chosen, hand-picked leaders”)…they rob you of the thrills of living a truly grace-filled life, the joys of simply being a child of God (with no need to perform to please the Father who is already immensely pleased with us just because He made us), and the awesome privilege of living the promised John 10:10 abundant life!  

For years I lived in a cloud of depression and darkness, living with an abusive husband who was completely supported by the mysogynistic system of PDI and forgetting who I really was and who God made me to be (to the point of wanting to take my own life).  It may have taken me many years to get here but I am happy to tell all of you who need to know if there is a light at the end of the tunnel…YES, ABSOLUTELY!  There can be an end to your agony.  There can be an end to all the shame and guilt.  There can even be an end to all your anger and bitterness towards PDI/SGM.  (The fact that I was able to have genuine, happy facebook conversations with my old friends from CLC this past week is a testament to this.  I know I can still enjoy the good memories while choosing to let go of the negative ones.)  And  yes,there can be the beginning of the life God has always wanted you to have!   But you’ll probably have to leave SGM to find it.

Good night, my friends, and thanks so much for supporting this blog and the hurting, lost and confused sheep who come here.  I may not come very often but when I do, it is always refreshing…always healing…and always puts a smile on my face knowing that I am not the only SGM survivor to have found the real essence of being a Christ follower!  May you all live out your destinies in Christ to the fullest and may His love and true sovreign grace overwhelm you over and over again…as if for the very first time

God bless you all!

Pia
 

Bless you my dear. God is healing your heart, and you have encouraged many of us. I’m sure I’m not the first one to think on this scripture when I hear of what God is going in you and for you:
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice. - Isa. 42:3

In Grace,
P.D.

IT WASN’T YOU
IT WASN’T YOU
IT WASN’T YOU

Each time the enemy brings condemnation over all this against you, please read the above and keep repeating until the peace of God descends on you like white on rice.

PS. Glad to know you’re feeling so much better!  I’m rejoicing!

Silent Running — Great descriptions, thankyou. Especially….”but without the energizing Breath of the Holy Spirit much of it turned into just another tired version of keeping Kosher.” —so many man-rules and micro-managing,  life in Christ becomes diminished.

Azaziah— I have often thought of the story of the disciples seeing the Glory of Jesus the
Christ on the Mount of Transfiguration.  Really is a blaring example — immediately Peter wanted to build a “booth”  (monument/church/denomination) upon the most
miraculous of sights ( Matt 17: 2-3  “And He was transfigured before them; and His face shone like the sun, and His garments became as white as light. And BEHOLD, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with Him.)——–But God STOPPED  Peter, James and John in their tracks from erecting a  tabernacle/statue/denomination, and said:
“THIS IS MY BELOVED SON, WITH WHOM I AM WELL PLEASED; LISTEN TO HIM!”

We can hear HIM because when we have become ‘born again’ He dwells in our hearts, the Holy Spirit lives in us—and He directs and guides and illuminates Gods Truth.
A denomination or any person which seeks to oust Holy Spirit and control a Christians decisions/actions/behavior, is stepping  between the Christian and Gods Beloved Son, Whom we are instructed to listen to.

Keeping Kosher; abiding by laws of manmade denominations; submitting to men who declare they ‘stand in the very stead of God’…..takes the yoke of the law, which
brings about bondage.  When Jesus the Christ yielded up His Spirit upon the Cross,
“Behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from TOP  to bottom;  and the earth shook and the rocks were split.”  (Matt 27:50).  We are His, no man or other ‘priest/pastor’
is ordained to exclusively advocate on our behalf. — As Defeneded pointed out, we are to
“fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.”  (Heb 12:2).  What rest.

Stunned, you are so gifted with expression and words— I wonder—-perhaps there will
someday be a book of stories to be written with your help. The Body of Christ would benefit to see how religous leaven in sgm has infected Gods people and the trail of maulings they discard behind them.  And the Good News that Jesus  is the same—”yesterday, today, and forever”— He still delivers, redeems, and restores His own!!