I also try to think ahead and see where all this will be 10-20 years from now and I suspect it might be the latter. Or SG will ‘dissolve’ their present leadership dynamic and each church will be independently run or something like that.

You said, “Either these guys are really dumb, or they think that we are.”

I actually

What I’ve found is that many SGM

When our sp was at the PC, another man was pastoring the church. I was on the worship team. The pastor was leading the team at the time. After practice, he called me into another room, and confronted me on my behavior during practice. He was probably correct in doing so, as at this time, I considered myself to be the only “real musician” on the team. Nice attitude, huh?.

After his comment, and my reply, he immediately said-”I can tell from your response and demeanor that you have no idea what I’m talking about, and I’ve misjudged you-would you please forgive me?”

I want to give credit where credit is due. This was a clear, heartfelt, specific request for forgiveness.

The main issue among the youth was gossip-with my son, because he acted in a Christian manner, and was looking out for a young lady in the church at her father’s request. There was other meaningless gossip-as Carole said, this was a pretty nasty group. I wanted to confront the parents, and was encouraged by the sr p. to not do so, and let him handle it. He never did. my mistake-I’ll address this later.

A biggie with my daughter happened after the meeting, in the church building. There was a large crowd of young people talking-including 2 daughters of a pastor of another Florida church.

The daughter of a cgl decides to address the group. “Erin, I heard that you were dancing at so and so’s party last night. I heard that it was pretty provocative”. This is clearly a mean young lady. Pehaps she’s changed.

My son goes a little beserkowitz (rightfully so, I’m so proud of that young man), and tries to find me. I was in the office, and could not be found. He then starts looking for the father of the young lady, who was not in attendance that day. He then catches her mother in the parking lot, and is met with arrogance.

During the next week, I speak with the lady who hosted the party in question, who is the wife of another cgl. I ask her specifically about my kids dancing-was it improper in any way? I was met with a very emphatic-”no, no, no-it was beautiful- it was so pure”. As an aside, the way my kids danced at that age bore no resemblance to the “modern moves of our day”. They sort of jumped and flailed (sorry kids-I’m old).

We have a meeting with the parents of the mean mouthed young lady, and were actually told that their daughter didn’t know what the word “provocative” meant. Uh-yeah… A big issue was made of the fact that my son didn’t go through the proper gender channels. He tried to, and was unable to. Out of love and protection for his sister, he wanted the mean young lady to shut her mouth, but was far to kind to address her, so he talked to her mom. During the meeting, the mom sighed and groaned a lot-we were really putting her out. I think that this incident ended with an apology to my daughter, and I’ve sent her an email to confirm.

When I shared all of this with the sr p., he agreed that the mean mouthed young lady probably did not know what “provocative” meant. Uh…yeah. She was 17 at the time.

The young lady in question did ask for my daughter’s forgiveness, and my daughter felt that it was heartfelt and genuine, and not something her parents forced her to do.

The parents also asked for Carole and I for forgiveness, which was of course granted. I don’t bring this story up in any way to discredit them. Most of the cgl’s have daughters. If you go to SGC T-Ville and are reading this, please don’t try to figure out who’s who. It would be wrong to do so, and your guess would probably be wrong. Saved sinners sin. Please don’t go on a witch hunt in your mind, trying to determine the players involved. This was resolved in a proper manner.

They are forgiven, and this matter is over. This was addressed in context on this blog in reference to the culture that the SGM franchise creates, and to clarify that the issue with my children was not bullying, but slander.

What I regret the most about my time in SGM is that I put the church above my family. My sin in the area is horrendous, and if there’s anything that I can’t “get over” it is this regret. I trusted leadership, instead of doing what I knew I should. It’s my fault alone.

More on this later.

Let me get this one straight in my cobweby head;

Your kids were being bullied in some way by the alpha kids in youth group.

Your DH and you approached the senior pastor to put an end to said bullying.

You got stonewalled.

You confronted senior pastor about the mean kids and his stonewalling.

Pastor responds by trying to play head games with your kids.

Did I get the basic facts?

Priceless.

And, for the record, does anyone know of any incidence in which one of these pastors has apologized and/or sought forgiveness from a regular person (aka; one of the animals that is more equal seeking forgiveness from a mere mortal?)

If so, I would really like to hear the story because I haven’t heard of a single story.

And, if we are all afflicted with sin and need to be lovingly confronted on a regular basis and humbly receive correction, why haven’t these dear leaders ever had their own sin addressed?

And if they think they are without sin, are they not contradicting their own pet teaching?

The sr pastor, although he never “handled” the situation, did meet with my kids… after a very lengthy and direct confrontation by Jim and myself. (BTW… this was the meeting that lead to the “re-evaluation” of Jim’s staff position… where his loyalty was called into question!) He asked my kids if they felt he needed to apologize to them! How were they supposed to respond to that? It was obvious to them that the sr pastor didn’t feel the need to apologize to them… but he would say the words if they felt it was needed. Therefore, if they had said “yes”, it would have been insincere, an empty apology on the sr pastor’s part.

To this day, no heartfelt apology nor asking forgiveness has been sought, either by the sr pastor, or the youth pastor (intern at the time).

Just “business as usual” in SGM!

Shortly after we were disfellowshipped, my oldest child was at some event and felt convicted to apologize to one of the pastors for the ill feelings she had for him.

He accepted the apology.

Although I was proud of Jessica for doing the right thing and attempting to make things right between herself and that man, I was white with rage against him for being such a pompous ass to accept her apology without reciprocating by reaching out to *her* to heal the hurts that he inflicted upon my teenaged daughter.

This arrogance and privileged attitude is representative of the issue at hand.

Yes, people are hurt, they may even be a little bit bitter, but what circumstances caused these hurts?

How much better would an alternative storyline had this pastor looked deeply into his heart, considered the hurts within a child’s heart, and reached out to reconcile himself with my daughter instead of pompously accepting her apology.