Comments on: Your Story 1 http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/ a safe haven Fri, 18 May 2012 05:15:56 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Ellie http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20888 Ellie Sat, 28 Aug 2010 21:45:22 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20888 Oh, Storm tossed, I wish I had been able to see your story before today! Are you still reading here? Oh, Storm tossed,
I wish I had been able to see your story before today! Are you still reading here?

]]> By: acme http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20887 acme Sat, 28 Aug 2010 21:36:27 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20887 Dear Storm-Tossed, I am so very sorry to read your story.  I believe God will hold SGM leaders accountable for your family--and that He will soothe the waters, leading you beside still waters and restoring your soul. My story is also here in this thread, if you are interested.  Soon after I posted a link on facebook to a thread here on SGMRefuge, my friend Dorsey who now lives in Cary, NC dropped me cold.  I asked her--she told me flat out that she didn't want to read any bad stuff about SGM, that SGM mattered more than our friendship, after years of what I believed to be almost like family. Dear Storm-Tossed, I am so very sorry to read your story.  I believe God will hold SGM leaders accountable for your family–and that He will soothe the waters, leading you beside still waters and restoring your soul.
My story is also here in this thread, if you are interested.  Soon after I posted a link on facebook to a thread here on SGMRefuge, my friend Dorsey who now lives in Cary, NC dropped me cold.  I asked her–she told me flat out that she didn’t want to read any bad stuff about SGM, that SGM mattered more than our friendship, after years of what I believed to be almost like family.

]]> By: needin hope... http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20886 needin hope... Sat, 28 Aug 2010 21:32:29 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20886 Oh, and welcome storm tossed! This is a sweet refrain here, you'll be well cared for, prayed over and encouraged here. "Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all this world...." I'm still singing it Defended! :) Thank you!!! Oh, and welcome storm tossed! This is a sweet refrain here, you’ll be well cared for, prayed over and encouraged here.
“Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all this world….” I’m still singing it Defended! :) Thank you!!!

]]> By: needin hope... http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20884 needin hope... Sat, 28 Aug 2010 21:23:49 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20884 YES. Defender, please copy your story here. I read it over at Survivors and I was amazed. At the end of your story when you wrote about drinking your coffee from the coffee mug you were given by the leadership and that you PRAY (Got that genderless) for those men, WOW I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. It would be an HONOR to fellowship with you, gosh, I'd just like to shake your hand someday and give you a big ol hug. God bless you. I don't post very much (I'm well, shy, I'm better at one on one but I do read here a lot and have a special place in my heart for all of you. Please pray for us, we are venturing out and attending a different church tomorrow. God bless and everyone have a blessed Sunday. YES. Defender, please copy your story here. I read it over at Survivors and I was amazed. At the end of your story when you wrote about drinking your coffee from the coffee mug you were given by the leadership and that you PRAY (Got that genderless) for those men, WOW I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. It would be an HONOR to fellowship with you, gosh, I’d just like to shake your hand someday and give you a big ol hug. God bless you. I don’t post very much (I’m well, shy, I’m better at one on one but I do read here a lot and have a special place in my heart for all of you.
Please pray for us, we are venturing out and attending a different church tomorrow.
God bless and everyone have a blessed Sunday.

]]> By: Canary http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20878 Canary Sat, 28 Aug 2010 18:33:03 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20878 Defenders, you should copy and paste your story from Survivors to this forum. :) Defenders, you should copy and paste your story from Survivors to this forum. :)

]]> By: Canary http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20877 Canary Sat, 28 Aug 2010 18:30:36 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20877 Yeah!  "My Story" is fixed! Yeah!  “My Story” is fixed!

]]> By: storm-tossed http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-20169 storm-tossed Tue, 10 Aug 2010 05:09:49 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-20169 Hi, I wanted to share my story because I think the structure of SGM and the abuse our family experienced led to where we are now.  And, let me tell you, we are a mess.  It is only 36 hours since I recommitted my life to Jesus.  While I know I made the choice to renounce Jesus, I believe I never would have been in that position if it weren't for SGM. Quick necessary background: I was born Jewish, and grew up in and out of foster care due to abuse.  I was literally collecting the items necessary to kill myself when a staff worker at my group home told me his story and offered to take me to a local youth group meeting.  I got saved at that meeting 26 years ago. Within two years I was out on my own, at college and invited to a SGM church.  I was only there a few months before transferring to another college, but it was right near another SGM church, so that is where I attended.  It was Robin Boisvert's church, LCC.  I was the ultimate people pleaser, involved in cg and any ministry I could find time for.  Three years later when my non-SGM boyfriend proposed to me (and I said yes), my cg leader told me I should have spoken to Robin first, because as an "unparented" woman, he was my authority.  When I met with Robin he told me I shouldn't marry my boyfriend unless he was planning to come to LCC.  He wasn't.  We were planning to go to his church, and then to seminary for him to study to be a pastor.  Robin could not point out any reason (sins, etc) to justify his position and we told him we would continue with our plans. Within a few weeks I was totally "excommunicated" from the church, and no one from LCC came to our wedding.  We were stunned that any pastor or church could be so controlling, but we chalked it up to one bad experience. Multiple times we have moved, etc. and ended up returning to a SGM church. Why???? Because, 1- we didn't experience the control in all the churches (either because we weren't there long enough or didn't "cross any lines" while there), and 2-we longed for close, caring relationships that caregroups seemed to foster. Our final SGM church was in Cary, NC and run by Phil Sasser. We were there for seven years.  At the end we were co-leaders of our caregroup, ran the bookstore, we oversaw the Children's Ministry program, et., etc., etc.  We were the definition of involved.  My biggest problem was that I had been regularly corrected for not submitting to my husband's leadership.  A new family came and when they found out I had a Jewish background, invited us to visit a Messianic congregation they attended.  (Please do not flame me.) We went to one service, with the agreement (my husband and I) that it would be the only one.  Fine.  It was nice, but on the way home my husband told me he wanted to return the following week for a holiday event.  Before I knew it we were going to both the Messianic cong. and SGM.  We knew this could not last and my husband wanted us to attend the messianic cong. not SGM.  We fought about it and finally I thought that this was another situation where I had to submit, so I agreed.  My husband set up a meeting with Phil to discuss our plans.  He was very concerned and wanted to meet a few times with my husband to discuss it.  Fine. In the meantime my father died.  We informed Phil and our caregroup leaders, asking them to pray for us.  We returned late Saturday night and came to church on Sunday.  Neither Phil nor our cg leaders said anything to me about my father. I wrote an email to Phil telling that I felt hurt that he had not remembered my father had died, and asking to meet with him for some help dealing with some issues that came up at the funeral, which I specified. Instead of emailing me back, Phil forwarded my email to one of the other pastor, Daniel Baker, without even asking permission.  When Daniel contacted me I told him that my email was private, and I did not wish to discuss it with him. I re-emailed Phil to set up an appointment for both my husband and I to meet with him. Although Phil emailed me that I had no right to expect him to ask about me or show "my version" of pastoral care, we still had no idea what was waiting for us. When we arrived both Phil and Daniel were there waiting for us.  I had come prepared to discuss the issues about pastoral care. I presented many verses about pastor's responsibilities to be a caring shepherd, Christian responsibilities to show love and mercy, etc.- all to be told that I was twisting the Scriptures, that those verses only tell me what I as a Christian should do, not what I should expect of others, etc.  As for my email, he said that by becoming a member of the (SGM) church I had agreed that he could share any email with any pastor, and had no right to privacy. He then went on to "discuss" the topic of our choice to leave. He blamed me for judaizing my husband.  Even when my husband disagreed and told him that he was the one who wanted to leave, not me, Phil told him to stop protecting me.  I was the jew and it was my fault we were leaving for a messianic congregation. I was proud, I was arrogant, etc, etc.  Sound familiar?? The night we left there (New Year's Eve 2003) was the first time since I got saved that I thought about suicide.  I couldn't believe the leadership was treating us this way, I thought Christians were different, etc.. I felt betrayed to the core of being.  But again, I thought the worst had happened.  We planned to attend one more homegroup to say goodbye.  But we were informed by Phil not to attend.  We called our leaders, who also happened to be our best friends.  They informed us we could not come to the meeting, as a matter of fact we weren't allowed into their home again.  We then discovered that all the cg leaders were sharing the same information with all the members that night- we were heretics and for the protection of their souls and their children's souls, they should stay away from us. We lost every friendship and connection we had that night, leaving us out in the cold as we started from scratch at the messianic congregation. We attended that congregation for eight months before my husband told me he no longer believed in Jesus.  I went to the leader, who told me it was a phase, just be patient and loving.  They met with my husband multiple times until he refused to meet any longer. All the while he was sending me articles and "showing" me every night how "Christians had misinterpreted" or twisted certain passages. I had no one to go to for help or support because we had been ostracized from the only church family we had. I was weak.  I was terrified he would leave us and I had no way to support myself or my children.  And, I was becoming more and more confused with each "proof" he presented. Yes, I turned my back on Jesus because I was afraid of being abandoned by the only person left in my life.  I wished I had some other choice, someone to help me, but I didn't, and I wimped out.  If SGM hadn't been so hateful and controlling, but full of the loving, encouraging relationships I thought, I could have gone back there, but as you all know too well, that isn't the case.  Additionally, the messianic leaders took the same approach, holding a meeting to inform the congregation that we were heretics.  In the space of one year we were completely rejected twice by our religious "homes". So where are we 5+ years later? My husband has converted to Orthodox Judaism. The rest of us have tried, but cannot live this life.  I cannot live without Jesus and as I said recommitted my life just Sunday morning, the first time I have been in a church since 2003.  I am still confused about the Scriptures, but I cannot live wanting to die, which is where I have been for more than three years now. I am still scared.  I don't know what will happen to my family.  My husband says he won't divorce me, but he is under orders from the Rabbis not to discuss religion with me. My daughter wants to try Christianity, and my son, I don't know.  He says he doesn't believe in a personal God (he's 18), but when he heard that I had a good experience at this church he said he might try it.  He's been burnt and he's old enough to remember it. I know this has been long, and included non-SGM stuff, but I truly believe that the abuses of SGM are at the core of these issues.  And, I believe that God will hold them accountable for what has happened to my family. Hi,
I wanted to share my story because I think the structure of SGM and the abuse our family experienced led to where we are now.  And, let me tell you, we are a mess.  It is only 36 hours since I recommitted my life to Jesus.  While I know I made the choice to renounce Jesus, I believe I never would have been in that position if it weren’t for SGM.
Quick necessary background: I was born Jewish, and grew up in and out of foster care due to abuse.  I was literally collecting the items necessary to kill myself when a staff worker at my group home told me his story and offered to take me to a local youth group meeting.  I got saved at that meeting 26 years ago.
Within two years I was out on my own, at college and invited to a SGM church.  I was only there a few months before transferring to another college, but it was right near another SGM church, so that is where I attended.  It was Robin Boisvert’s church, LCC.  I was the ultimate people pleaser, involved in cg and any ministry I could find time for.  Three years later when my non-SGM boyfriend proposed to me (and I said yes), my cg leader told me I should have spoken to Robin first, because as an “unparented” woman, he was my authority.  When I met with Robin he told me I shouldn’t marry my boyfriend unless he was planning to come to LCC.  He wasn’t.  We were planning to go to his church, and then to seminary for him to study to be a pastor.  Robin could not point out any reason (sins, etc) to justify his position and we told him we would continue with our plans. Within a few weeks I was totally “excommunicated” from the church, and no one from LCC came to our wedding.  We were stunned that any pastor or church could be so controlling, but we chalked it up to one bad experience.
Multiple times we have moved, etc. and ended up returning to a SGM church. Why???? Because, 1- we didn’t experience the control in all the churches (either because we weren’t there long enough or didn’t “cross any lines” while there), and 2-we longed for close, caring relationships that caregroups seemed to foster.
Our final SGM church was in Cary, NC and run by Phil Sasser. We were there for seven years.  At the end we were co-leaders of our caregroup, ran the bookstore, we oversaw the Children’s Ministry program, et., etc., etc.  We were the definition of involved.  My biggest problem was that I had been regularly corrected for not submitting to my husband’s leadership.  A new family came and when they found out I had a Jewish background, invited us to visit a Messianic congregation they attended.  (Please do not flame me.) We went to one service, with the agreement (my husband and I) that it would be the only one.  Fine.  It was nice, but on the way home my husband told me he wanted to return the following week for a holiday event.  Before I knew it we were going to both the Messianic cong. and SGM.  We knew this could not last and my husband wanted us to attend the messianic cong. not SGM.  We fought about it and finally I thought that this was another situation where I had to submit, so I agreed.  My husband set up a meeting with Phil to discuss our plans.  He was very concerned and wanted to meet a few times with my husband to discuss it.  Fine.
In the meantime my father died.  We informed Phil and our caregroup leaders, asking them to pray for us.  We returned late Saturday night and came to church on Sunday.  Neither Phil nor our cg leaders said anything to me about my father. I wrote an email to Phil telling that I felt hurt that he had not remembered my father had died, and asking to meet with him for some help dealing with some issues that came up at the funeral, which I specified. Instead of emailing me back, Phil forwarded my email to one of the other pastor, Daniel Baker, without even asking permission.  When Daniel contacted me I told him that my email was private, and I did not wish to discuss it with him. I re-emailed Phil to set up an appointment for both my husband and I to meet with him. Although Phil emailed me that I had no right to expect him to ask about me or show “my version” of pastoral care, we still had no idea what was waiting for us.
When we arrived both Phil and Daniel were there waiting for us.  I had come prepared to discuss the issues about pastoral care. I presented many verses about pastor’s responsibilities to be a caring shepherd, Christian responsibilities to show love and mercy, etc.- all to be told that I was twisting the Scriptures, that those verses only tell me what I as a Christian should do, not what I should expect of others, etc.  As for my email, he said that by becoming a member of the (SGM) church I had agreed that he could share any email with any pastor, and had no right to privacy. He then went on to “discuss” the topic of our choice to leave. He blamed me for judaizing my husband.  Even when my husband disagreed and told him that he was the one who wanted to leave, not me, Phil told him to stop protecting me.  I was the jew and it was my fault we were leaving for a messianic congregation. I was proud, I was arrogant, etc, etc.  Sound familiar??
The night we left there (New Year’s Eve 2003) was the first time since I got saved that I thought about suicide.  I couldn’t believe the leadership was treating us this way, I thought Christians were different, etc.. I felt betrayed to the core of being.  But again, I thought the worst had happened.  We planned to attend one more homegroup to say goodbye.  But we were informed by Phil not to attend.  We called our leaders, who also happened to be our best friends.  They informed us we could not come to the meeting, as a matter of fact we weren’t allowed into their home again.  We then discovered that all the cg leaders were sharing the same information with all the members that night- we were heretics and for the protection of their souls and their children’s souls, they should stay away from us. We lost every friendship and connection we had that night, leaving us out in the cold as we started from scratch at the messianic congregation.
We attended that congregation for eight months before my husband told me he no longer believed in Jesus.  I went to the leader, who told me it was a phase, just be patient and loving.  They met with my husband multiple times until he refused to meet any longer. All the while he was sending me articles and “showing” me every night how “Christians had misinterpreted” or twisted certain passages. I had no one to go to for help or support because we had been ostracized from the only church family we had. I was weak.  I was terrified he would leave us and I had no way to support myself or my children.  And, I was becoming more and more confused with each “proof” he presented. Yes, I turned my back on Jesus because I was afraid of being abandoned by the only person left in my life.  I wished I had some other choice, someone to help me, but I didn’t, and I wimped out.  If SGM hadn’t been so hateful and controlling, but full of the loving, encouraging relationships I thought, I could have gone back there, but as you all know too well, that isn’t the case.  Additionally, the messianic leaders took the same approach, holding a meeting to inform the congregation that we were heretics.  In the space of one year we were completely rejected twice by our religious “homes”.
So where are we 5+ years later? My husband has converted to Orthodox Judaism. The rest of us have tried, but cannot live this life.  I cannot live without Jesus and as I said recommitted my life just Sunday morning, the first time I have been in a church since 2003.  I am still confused about the Scriptures, but I cannot live wanting to die, which is where I have been for more than three years now. I am still scared.  I don’t know what will happen to my family.  My husband says he won’t divorce me, but he is under orders from the Rabbis not to discuss religion with me. My daughter wants to try Christianity, and my son, I don’t know.  He says he doesn’t believe in a personal God (he’s 18), but when he heard that I had a good experience at this church he said he might try it.  He’s been burnt and he’s old enough to remember it.
I know this has been long, and included non-SGM stuff, but I truly believe that the abuses of SGM are at the core of these issues.  And, I believe that God will hold them accountable for what has happened to my family.

]]> By: Pam http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19950 Pam Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:05:25 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19950 needin hope I have found this place to be a haven for all of us to vent and be supported. I've met some wonderful peeps on here! needin hope
I have found this place to be a haven for all of us to vent and be supported. I’ve met some wonderful peeps on here!

]]> By: needin hope... http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19948 needin hope... Sun, 01 Aug 2010 11:48:26 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19948 Dear brothers in the Lord,  Defender and RT! Defender your words were spot on!  We have to be retaught a different kind of walk with the Lord based on how he meets us where we are ! We lose sight of that; it doesn't happen over night, it's a gradual process.  We are taught week after week about our sinfulness and at least for me we forget the loving kindness of our saviour! We see him as unyielding, unforgiving and unattainable. You are right, I need to be be in the WORD and in daily communion with Abba Father. He is bending his ear to me; thank you Father. Gracie Psalms 55 is one that I will own. A prayer for me in the mornings. How about this one "The Lord is my friend, I shall not want..." Psalm 23. Oh Lord that you will lead me to still waters! Restore my soul and all the dear precious ones who visit here. Amen! DB thank you, will be in touch in a few days when I gather the courage. :) needin hope Dear brothers in the Lord,  Defender and RT!
Defender your words were spot on!  We have to be retaught a different kind of walk with the Lord based on how he meets us where we are ! We lose sight of that; it doesn’t happen over night, it’s a gradual process.  We are taught week after week about our sinfulness and at least for me we forget the loving kindness of our saviour! We see him as unyielding, unforgiving and unattainable. You are right, I need to be be in the WORD and in daily communion with Abba Father. He is bending his ear to me; thank you Father. Gracie Psalms 55 is one that I will own. A prayer for me in the mornings.
How about this one “The Lord is my friend, I shall not want…” Psalm 23. Oh Lord that you will lead me to still waters! Restore my soul and all the dear precious ones who visit here. Amen!
DB thank you, will be in touch in a few days when I gather the courage. :)

needin hope

]]> By: Defended http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19944 Defended Sun, 01 Aug 2010 01:50:18 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19944 Needin Hope....bless you. May God bless you and keep you. Do you like music?  2 songs have been mental health to me: "In Christ Alone" and "Give me Jesus" - both are simple...heck I went back to Keith Green songs when we were recovering!  Simple, heart-felt love songs for Jesus. He is truly our first love isn't he? I'm so sorry the church has tried to be Him or take his place in your heart and life.  And I know how it happens!  Like ooze, you dont' see it until you wonder how it happened?! You are safe here.  You are loved and cared about.  Most of all we want to be your friends, not your Savior or Lord. Needin Hope….bless you.
May God bless you and keep you.
Do you like music?  2 songs have been mental health to me:
“In Christ Alone” and “Give me Jesus” – both are simple…heck I went back to Keith Green songs when we were recovering!  Simple, heart-felt love songs for Jesus. He is truly our first love isn’t he?

I’m so sorry the church has tried to be Him or take his place in your heart and life.  And I know how it happens!  Like ooze, you dont’ see it until you wonder how it happened?!

You are safe here.  You are loved and cared about.  Most of all we want to be your friends, not your Savior or Lord.

]]> By: Defender http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19942 Defender Sat, 31 Jul 2010 20:15:02 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19942 needin' hope...., RT is partially correct, there are a few men here who will also offer support and care as God has wired us to do for our sisters. (Love ya RT!)   You (needin') touched a point that I have been pondering lately; What is God's plan for human relationships? I believe God wired us all for relationships, but the primary relationship is to be a personal one with HIM. And He does that through His Holy Spirit. I think that as we are hard wired for relationship with God, we can be tricked into a relationship with a church, (or family of churches) that ultimately replaces the relationship we are to have exclusively with God. Whether or not it is intentional with SGM can be  debated here, but that it has happened in SGM is quite obvious. I believe to the core of my being and with every strand of DNA in my body. THAT, (misplaced relationship with God) is at (or near) the core of our most painful departure experiences from SGM. (So I believe.) Therefore the best recovery "method" I can offer for anyone, is to just cuddle up real close with God, in the most intimate way you possibly can, and stay there. Talk to God like you are talking to a friend, and beg for more filling of His Holy Spirit, for His comfort, and private conversation with Him. Whether you are dancing with Joy, or crying like a baby, He want's to hear from you, because He wants to be in that close of relationship with you. The Creator of the Universe WANT'S to be your closest and most intimate friend. I don't know about you, but I find that very very comforting, and that kind of relationship has gotten me through some terrifying times.   needin' hope...., I'm glad God brought you here. We will support and love you in the best way we can. As your brother's and sisters, we will walk this road with you.   Your Brother, Defender needin’ hope….,
RT is partially correct, there are a few men here who will also offer support and care as God has wired us to do for our sisters. (Love ya RT!)
 
You (needin’) touched a point that I have been pondering lately; What is God’s plan for human relationships?
I believe God wired us all for relationships, but the primary relationship is to be a personal one with HIM. And He does that through His Holy Spirit.
I think that as we are hard wired for relationship with God, we can be tricked into a relationship with a church, (or family of churches) that ultimately replaces the relationship we are to have exclusively with God. Whether or not it is intentional with SGM can be  debated here, but that it has happened in SGM is quite obvious. I believe to the core of my being and with every strand of DNA in my body.
THAT, (misplaced relationship with God) is at (or near) the core of our most painful departure experiences from SGM. (So I believe.)
Therefore the best recovery “method” I can offer for anyone, is to just cuddle up real close with God, in the most intimate way you possibly can, and stay there.
Talk to God like you are talking to a friend, and beg for more filling of His Holy Spirit, for His comfort, and private conversation with Him.
Whether you are dancing with Joy, or crying like a baby, He want’s to hear from you, because He wants to be in that close of relationship with you.
The Creator of the Universe WANT’S to be your closest and most intimate friend.
I don’t know about you, but I find that very very comforting, and that kind of relationship has gotten me through some terrifying times.
 
needin’ hope…., I’m glad God brought you here. We will support and love you in the best way we can. As your brother’s and sisters, we will walk this road with you.
 
Your Brother,
Defender

]]> By: RT http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19941 RT Sat, 31 Jul 2010 18:23:23 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19941 Needin' You have come to the right place....welcome. These women will be a lifeline to Jesus for you, my dear.  Needin’

You have come to the right place….welcome.

These women will be a lifeline to Jesus for you, my dear. 

]]> By: DB http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19939 DB Sat, 31 Jul 2010 14:58:57 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19939 Needin Hope, My heart aches for you. I, too, have a chronic condition that is associated with extremely high rates of depression. I will keep you in prayer and if you want to talk with someone please feel free to email me. I mean it. Also, there seems to be an unusually high rate of depression among women that have experienced SGM's legalism. You have a lot of good company. Needin Hope,

My heart aches for you. I, too, have a chronic condition that is associated with extremely high rates of depression. I will keep you in prayer and if you want to talk with someone please feel free to email me. I mean it.

Also, there seems to be an unusually high rate of depression among women that have experienced SGM’s legalism. You have a lot of good company.

]]> By: needin hope... http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19937 needin hope... Sat, 31 Jul 2010 10:50:29 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19937 I'm grateful to you all for your kind and encouraging words. A special thank you to Jim and Carole for setting up this blog years ago. God bless you both for your boldness and gentle articulation about SGM. I believe the saddest truth is that I do agree with some of the teachings of SGM yet they have run a muck in the hands of men who hunger for more than Jesus...they hunger for power and dare I say, money. I will leave that for a another time!!!!! When I first came to SGM I was intrigued and wanted to be a part of the movement. I mean who wouldn't want to walk out their faith in the context of loving and biblical relationships? It's a wonderful thing; living in community. We are Christ's church isn't this what he intended for his people?? I believe so, I believed in homeschooling youngsters and young teenagers not dating. BUT I also believe that parents are the ones who should be helping their children make decisions about dating. They are the guides here; not church leadership. These are family decisions; not church decisions. We can certainly ask for and even submit to their council IF we believe that the Holy Spirit is leading us in that direction. I wouldn't be what you call a 100% SGMer. I had many church experiences outside this body of churches and therfore had a pretty solid foundation long before I met them. In some ways, I can see now why I have not NOR will ever completely "fit in" because of that foundation. I may be to them a rebel of sorts. :) It is the one thing that keeps them from "inviting me in completely". They would never admit to that of course, but I believe with all my heart  that they believe that I just don't really get it; granted , I have come along way but I have a long road ahead of me. The appeal for me was living in community. I desperately wanted loving and close knit relationships. Those who knew my history knew it was important and that's where all the "you have a lot of expectations" started. For me, show me the proof...practice what you teach from your pulpit. When others who "invite " you in and then keep you at arms length; it's confusing, alarming and hurtful. Of course we aren' t allowed to say "you hurt my feelings" because then well you all know as well as I do. How many times have you heard it?? "It's not about you...it's about Jesus." So it becomes ok; when people say these things to you. You walk away and think to yourself..."Really??"" God, am I that wrong?? You begin to believe that you are the most vial human that God ever created...you believe that you aren't worthy of relationship with anyone, you also believe that if his people don't accept you then how could God ever accept you. This can be and has been damaging in my walk with the Lord at times Has anyone else experienced these types of things?? I hope you will weigh in on this if you have. I'm anxious to hear your thoughts. My prayers are turning more and more to this..."God show me YOUR truth, by the power of the Holy Spirit illuminate your love and compassion to me. Give me an ear to hear your Holy Word for it IS truth to me. Can I hear an AMEN?? needin hope I’m grateful to you all for your kind and encouraging words. A special thank you to Jim and Carole for setting up this blog years ago. God bless you both for your boldness and gentle articulation about SGM.
I believe the saddest truth is that I do agree with some of the teachings of SGM yet they have run a muck in the hands of men who hunger for more than Jesus…they hunger for power and dare I say, money. I will leave that for a another time!!!!!
When I first came to SGM I was intrigued and wanted to be a part of the movement. I mean who wouldn’t want to walk out their faith in the context of loving and biblical relationships? It’s a wonderful thing; living in community. We are Christ’s church isn’t this what he intended for his people?? I believe so, I believed in homeschooling youngsters and young teenagers not dating. BUT I also believe that parents are the ones who should be helping their children make decisions about dating. They are the guides here; not church leadership. These are family decisions; not church decisions. We can certainly ask for and even submit to their council IF we believe that the Holy Spirit is leading us in that direction.
I wouldn’t be what you call a 100% SGMer. I had many church experiences outside this body of churches and therfore had a pretty solid foundation long before I met them. In some ways, I can see now why I have not NOR will ever completely “fit in” because of that foundation. I may be to them a rebel of sorts. :) It is the one thing that keeps them from “inviting me in completely”. They would never admit to that of course, but I believe with all my heart  that they believe that I just don’t really get it; granted , I have come along way but I have a long road ahead of me.

The appeal for me was living in community. I desperately wanted loving and close knit relationships. Those who knew my history knew it was important and that’s where all the “you have a lot of expectations” started. For me, show me the proof…practice what you teach from your pulpit. When others who “invite ” you in and then keep you at arms length; it’s confusing, alarming and hurtful. Of course we aren’ t allowed to say “you hurt my feelings” because then well you all know as well as I do. How many times have you heard it?? “It’s not about you…it’s about Jesus.” So it becomes ok; when people say these things to you. You walk away and think to yourself…”Really??”" God, am I that wrong??

You begin to believe that you are the most vial human that God ever created…you believe that you aren’t worthy of relationship with anyone, you also believe that if his people don’t accept you then how could God ever accept you. This can be and has been damaging in my walk with the Lord at times Has anyone else experienced these types of things?? I hope you will weigh in on this if you have. I’m anxious to hear your thoughts.

My prayers are turning more and more to this…”God show me YOUR truth, by the power of the Holy Spirit illuminate your love and compassion to me. Give me an ear to hear your Holy Word for it IS truth to me. Can I hear an AMEN??

needin hope

]]> By: Gracie http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19936 Gracie Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:45:19 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19936 Dear Needing Hope, Welcome to the Refuge.  Like Stunned, Canary, Acme, and Ellie, I understand your pain because I remember my own.  Awhile back, I posted a journal entry that I wrote seven months after our PDI/SGM departure.  I will post it again here: It has been nearly seven months since we were asked to leave our church, yet even now I feel deep despondency and pain over the whole situation.  "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.  But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close firend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."  Psalm 55:12-14 My heart is wounded and in anguish.  "But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.  He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me."  Psalm 55:17-18... I have come to realize just in the past few weeks that we are in need of spirtual healing.  We cannot bring healing to ourselves; we can only rely on You to put salve on our wounded hearts.  "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."  Psalm 55:22 Thank you, Lord Jesus, that You have made us righteous before God; therefore, we are the righteous, and You will never let us fall.  "But as for me, I trust in You."  Psalm 55:23 This was written in May of 1990.  Yet here you are today facing many of the same things.  Apparently, Psalm 55 was very comforting to me at the time of our leaving.   Still it took me years to fully recover.  But I did recover.  And you will too.  I am glad you found the blog.  It is our hope and prayer that our presence and voices here will help those just exactly like you to recover much quicker than we did.  Blessings and prayers coming your way! Gracie Dear Needing Hope,
Welcome to the Refuge.  Like Stunned, Canary, Acme, and Ellie, I understand your pain because I remember my own.  Awhile back, I posted a journal entry that I wrote seven months after our PDI/SGM departure.  I will post it again here:

It has been nearly seven months since we were asked to leave our church, yet even now I feel deep despondency and pain over the whole situation.  “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.  But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close firend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.”  Psalm 55:12-14

My heart is wounded and in anguish.  “But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.  He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.”  Psalm 55:17-18…

I have come to realize just in the past few weeks that we are in need of spirtual healing.  We cannot bring healing to ourselves; we can only rely on You to put salve on our wounded hearts.  “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”  Psalm 55:22

Thank you, Lord Jesus, that You have made us righteous before God; therefore, we are the righteous, and You will never let us fall.  “But as for me, I trust in You.”  Psalm 55:23

This was written in May of 1990.  Yet here you are today facing many of the same things.  Apparently, Psalm 55 was very comforting to me at the time of our leaving.   Still it took me years to fully recover.  But I did recover.  And you will too. 

I am glad you found the blog.  It is our hope and prayer that our presence and voices here will help those just exactly like you to recover much quicker than we did.  Blessings and prayers coming your way!
Gracie

]]> By: Hope http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19935 Hope Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:28:07 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19935 Welcome to you Needin Hope! I'm Hope, but not the one you're looking for. I am Hope because as God opened my eyes to his truth...then  hope was renewed. After having the truths, which the Holy Spirit had already spoken to my heart, confirmed by others;  finding out, as you are now, that I wasn't crazy...that brought hope. The hope you're looking for is in your Father, who is lovingly directing you out of the haze, so that you can see more clearly the things He wants to show you. It was so helpful when I was in the place that you're in now, still in SG, but seeing things a bit more clearly, to have Christians outside of SG to befriend and talk to. God used them to help me find that balance and helped me see his bigger picture.  I had so much fear. I feared loss, exposure, but even more I feared I would be trapped forever knowing things were not right.  But God has in my year since departure showed me I have nothing to lose if I have Him. I did not need to fear what man could do to me, but to trust that He was for me. Nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. He will walk with you through all he is showing you. He is all you need, cling to Him now, don't be afraid. You are loved. Welcome to you Needin Hope!
I’m Hope, but not the one you’re looking for. I am Hope because as God opened my eyes to his truth…then  hope was renewed. After having the truths, which the Holy Spirit had already spoken to my heart, confirmed by others;  finding out, as you are now, that I wasn’t crazy…that brought hope. The hope you’re looking for is in your Father, who is lovingly directing you out of the haze, so that you can see more clearly the things He wants to show you. It was so helpful when I was in the place that you’re in now, still in SG, but seeing things a bit more clearly, to have Christians outside of SG to befriend and talk to. God used them to help me find that balance and helped me see his bigger picture.  I had so much fear. I feared loss, exposure, but even more I feared I would be trapped forever knowing things were not right.  But God has in my year since departure showed me I have nothing to lose if I have Him. I did not need to fear what man could do to me, but to trust that He was for me. Nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. He will walk with you through all he is showing you. He is all you need, cling to Him now, don’t be afraid. You are loved.

]]> By: canary http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19934 canary Sat, 31 Jul 2010 01:11:03 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19934 needin'hope, You just take your time in telling us your story.  We know it isn't easy to write it all down.  I suffered a deep depression after leaving PDI/SGM.  It didn't hit me until two years after leaving.  I enjoyed my freedom so much.  Then I began to realize what I'd really lost.  I wondered what sort of false doctrines I'd embraced.  What was real and what wasn't?  Had I wasted nearly 2 decades of my life being involved there?  My husband and I lost all our friends, long time ones, because we left.  All that and then depression.  It was horrible.  But... God lifted me out of it.  He taught me truth and love at His marvelous feet.  He set me free from most of my fears.  It was a journey that took time.  Don't rush yourself.  Hopefully, being at the Refuge will shorten this journey for you because you can learn from others who've gone before you.  Anyway, we are here for you, our new friend.  Big, big hugs!  Canary needin’hope,

You just take your time in telling us your story.  We know it isn’t easy to write it all down.  I suffered a deep depression after leaving PDI/SGM.  It didn’t hit me until two years after leaving.  I enjoyed my freedom so much.  Then I began to realize what I’d really lost.  I wondered what sort of false doctrines I’d embraced.  What was real and what wasn’t?  Had I wasted nearly 2 decades of my life being involved there?  My husband and I lost all our friends, long time ones, because we left.  All that and then depression.  It was horrible.  But…

God lifted me out of it.  He taught me truth and love at His marvelous feet.  He set me free from most of my fears.  It was a journey that took time.  Don’t rush yourself.  Hopefully, being at the Refuge will shorten this journey for you because you can learn from others who’ve gone before you.  Anyway, we are here for you, our new friend.  Big, big hugs!  Canary

]]> By: acme http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19930 acme Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:07:52 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19930 Welcome, Needing Hope!  I have battled the big D for years myself--getting out of CLC has helped, as have some other changes in my life.  My story is here too - Control F - acme May God give you "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow"! Welcome, Needing Hope!  I have battled the big D for years myself–getting out of CLC has helped, as have some other changes in my life.  My story is here too – Control F – acme
May God give you “strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow”!

]]> By: needin hope... http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19928 needin hope... Fri, 30 Jul 2010 23:14:44 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19928 Hey Ellie- thank you for your encouragement and words of truth. This IS speaking truth in ones life! I know it's part of the reason the Lord led me here. It will help give me courage and build me up after being torn down. God Bless, needin hope Hey Ellie- thank you for your encouragement and words of truth. This IS speaking truth in ones life! I know it’s part of the reason the Lord led me here.
It will help give me courage and build me up after being torn down.
God Bless,
needin hope

]]> By: Ellie http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/06/11/wednesdays-are-for-your-story/#comment-19927 Ellie Fri, 30 Jul 2010 22:55:42 +0000 http://sgmrefuge.com/?p=10#comment-19927 quote: <b>There are good people at the SGM church I attend.Wonderful caring people, yet they have been there for so many years they can’t see the forest for the trees! If SGM is to ever change some of their practices it’s those people who will have to be the ones to put an end to all the tyranny! But maybe they are afraid like me. There is certainly a control thing among the leadership, although maybe not (at least on the surface) as bad as some other things that I’ve read about. Then again??? I’ve seen people disappear from the congregation and when you ask about them you don't get an answer.</b> end quote . . Hi needin! The sgm church you go to sounds like the one that I went to. Very good people, people that I basically "grew up" with. But I hardly ever see any of them anymore. When I do, "the elephant in the room" is always there. I wish that they could be free, but they don't seem to have any problems. The church is chugging along like it has for years, but half the people that used to be there, aren't. I HATE that I had to give up my friends that I went to college with and the family that I had for years because of sgm. I really really am sad about what sgm has done to my old church. I pass by there almost every day, and it hurts. It has hurt my kids. But you know what? It hurt more being there, pretending. It would've hurt more for my kids to see me pretending that everything that was said from the pulpit was "of God". It would've hurt more to ignore the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit that *the pastors* told me that I could not hear because "our (ie my) heart is deceitful". Your story especially touched me because I know of some people that had left my old pdi/sgm church that went back after having been gone for years. You miss the old fellowship that you used to have, you think that things have changed, that it will be different this time. But it won't. Things haven't changed, really, underneath it all, in fact they have gotten worse.  If it wasn't for the good people that are still there, the choice would be easy. But ignoring the voice of the Holy Spirit will hurt more in the long run. Ignoring the truth will make you feel crazy and will make depression worse. Hope to "talk" to you more. :) quote: There are good people at the SGM church I attend.Wonderful caring people, yet they have been there for so many years they can’t see the forest for the trees! If SGM is to ever change some of their practices it’s those people who will have to be the ones to put an end to all the tyranny! But maybe they are afraid like me.
There is certainly a control thing among the leadership, although maybe not (at least on the surface) as bad as some other things that I’ve read about. Then again??? I’ve seen people disappear from the congregation and when you ask about them you don’t get an answer. end quote
.
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Hi needin! The sgm church you go to sounds like the one that I went to. Very good people, people that I basically “grew up” with. But I hardly ever see any of them anymore. When I do, “the elephant in the room” is always there. I wish that they could be free, but they don’t seem to have any problems. The church is chugging along like it has for years, but half the people that used to be there, aren’t. I HATE that I had to give up my friends that I went to college with and the family that I had for years because of sgm. I really really am sad about what sgm has done to my old church. I pass by there almost every day, and it hurts. It has hurt my kids. But you know what? It hurt more being there, pretending. It would’ve hurt more for my kids to see me pretending that everything that was said from the pulpit was “of God”. It would’ve hurt more to ignore the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit that *the pastors* told me that I could not hear because “our (ie my) heart is deceitful”.
Your story especially touched me because I know of some people that had left my old pdi/sgm church that went back after having been gone for years. You miss the old fellowship that you used to have, you think that things have changed, that it will be different this time. But it won’t. Things haven’t changed, really, underneath it all, in fact they have gotten worse.  If it wasn’t for the good people that are still there, the choice would be easy. But ignoring the voice of the Holy Spirit will hurt more in the long run. Ignoring the truth will make you feel crazy and will make depression worse.
Hope to “talk” to you more. :)

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